Pain

Me- New Year's Eve in Chapel Hill's Emergency Department

Pain is natural- it is something that all human life experiences. Pain is not all necessarily bad. After all, when a small child's hand touched the hot stove the child instantly yanks it back from the heat. This happens from the nerve receptors feeling the heat.

I know a lot about pain. When I was four months old I had gallstones in my gallbladder- which is a big deal). Since then I had gone through many procedures as well as surgeries. I know pain- at one point in my life, I had a morphine pain pump, I was put in a medically induced coma for a month. Oh and believe me it is true that you can have some awareness of the outside world (thanks 13 going on 30). Thank goodness I had the opportunity to go to Chicago and have surgery done by a world class surgeon who specialized in my rare condition.

I'm so used to the pain that sometimes it's hard to tell how bad it is. Just recently this week I was vomiting up from pain (thanks to a kidney stone that is now 2 cm- REALLY BIG). Thank goodness I have pain meds. Still, pain meds don't solve everything. I'm tired of having to sip my drinks so that I don't throw up. I'm tired of having all of my family taking care of me.

I am comforted in this "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28 KJV. I truly do believe this, but in the midst of all of my pain, it can be hard to remember this. Despite this, I know that I am blessed with doctors that care about me- and also that I have the resources to go to the hospital. I have insurance which my mother's job has blessed her with. I know this situation might take a while to turn around. However, I will be putting all of this in the hands of my Father.

Pain can also be emotional- and boy I know it. I was in the psych hospital (twice). I became my great-grandfathers caregiver over the summer of 2018. He passed away in November. I was able to mostly finished out my semester. Then I got sick. The day of my final exam I was in bad shape. I put on my "big girl panties" and dealt with my circumstances.

I got sicker and sicker and eventually was diagnosed with a UTI and double pneumonia. As if this didn't make Christmas break enjoyable. I spent New Year's Eve in the Emergency Department, and the next day I had surgery. Pain can cause a variety of emotions, and sometimes when we're in pain we can get blindsided. Both physical and mental pain can cause for one's mind not being in the right place.

So here's also an apology to my mother who has always been there with me since day one.

 Grace Bibus 1/4/18

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