Unfiltered and Transparent

Sleep and I do not get along. We have a history as well as a very complex relationship. This bad relationship with sleep started at a young age. Why though why is sleep so difficult for me? Is it my ADHD? My trauma from being a sick child? From a young age I hated being in the dark (I had night lights and even left the light on inside my closet). I also hated the feeling of being alone. My mom and dad bought me a big cd player so that  I could fall asleep to music. Oh and speaking of that I LOVED sleeping in their bed far past the “normal age” where that stops. They had to create a calendar where I would get a sticker for every night I spent in my own  bed, then once I got a certain number, I got some sort of  Barbie prize I wanted. That was when I was in kindergarten, oh no the sleep mishaps don’t end there. During my parents’ divorce, I would often beg to sleep in my mom’s room (and most of the time it worked). Once she started dating my now stepdad that chang...

I often think that I am "too much" - I have a loud mouth, my emotions run high and most of all I am quick in wit and action. I often feel like my existence "too much" and that so many people's lives would be much easier and happier if I wasn't in their life. I know that this is a lie that Satan put in my head, but I  have moments where I stumble. In times like these I come back to two scriptures: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV and "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful I know that full well." Psalm 139:14. By the grace of God not only am I made wonderfully, but He had a plan for my life. From the moment I was born I was destined to be a hard child. At four months I had gallstones in my gallbladder- something that is highly uncommon. Because of this, I was a medica...